senior trip was awesome. I took some pictures but the camera my mom bought for me kind of sucks so none of the pictures came out all that well.  It was one of those kodack disposible digital ones. yeah. they suck. dont buy them. awesome.

Since I'm on spring break i went to see my brother in richmond this week.  I took the train down on tuesday and he picked me up at the station. lets just say IM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. kthanks. screaming kids running up and down the entire train.. kids with gameboys playing on full volume, other people with psps watching movies so everyone can hear.. yeah. major headache. I got off and was like.. advil. now. Thenn when i finally got to richmond i chilled with ryan and went to his jazz combo class with him and heard him play in Bob's Your Uncle. [The name of thier group.] the purple locomotive was the other group.  so after that jenny [the girl whos room i stayed in] called and was like Lets go to taco bell!! sooo me her and ryan crammed into her mini and went to taco bell. and i heard her life story. and i decided she is one of the most awesome people. ever, basically. sooo we got back on campus and ryan went to his guys iv group and i hung out with jenny and some other girl came in and jenny knitted her scarf and we talked and james called me but talked to jenny instead.. She played her harp for me, got ready to go to the appartments to play pong then megan came and it was cool. The second day i went to breakfast with ryan and megan and met some people then chilled in the commons while ryan went to calculus, then went to his music theory class with him, then stayed in modlin while he took a greek quiz then talked to the touchers bc lindsay came down to look at the school and then went to his religion and environmental ethincs class.  some guest speaker talked about the native americans and their connection to land. pretty cool. thennn ryan and i went to moes. good times.  then we went to the library and ryan worked and i read and then dinner.  I found out this guy gordon is pretty awesome. he made fun of ryan for being deathly afraid that the sun went down and was like i perscribe 20 minutes of quality time with ryan manion daily to all my patients. had to be there but it was hilarious.  then back to the room with megan and stayed there for the rest of the night bc i was rediculously tired.  this morning slept until 9 met ryan for lunch at 11:15 then went to his combo class.. got his stuff together, planned megans birthday surprise and talked with jenny then left. good times. We burned a picture of this guy she used to kind of be with together.  

Ahhh its been like a month. i never update anymore it kinda sucks. Oh well.

I leave for my senior trip on tuesdayy im exciteddd. we go to disney and i wont be back home until saturday night.  Part of me is dreading it but i think once i finally get there i will be ok.

tomorrow at dance were filming a commercial for la bayadere. a commercial. honestly.. I dont want to be on tv in just a leotard and a placement belt. just a thought. so im not looking forward to that either.

so yeah.  theres about 18 inches of snow outside my house right now.  It would be the best thing ever if i was about 7.  But I'm not. duh.  I have sooo much to do for tomorrow its rediculous.  Oh i hate high school

So dance has honestly been sucking.  I really cant stand melissa, no particular reason.  Maybe its how she immitates you to the extreme of incompetence when she shows you how youre doing a step wrong, maybe its the way she stomps around, maybe its how she trys to act like mr gallagher all the time, or how she accuses you of not knowing the exercise when you defidently do.  Whatever. I cant stand her.

Mr. Gallagher leaves the entire company to her mercy for shade practice while he works with jack.  to be sabu. He's foresaking the entire company and the huge ACT [not just dance, Act.] that we are responsible for to work with ONE PERSON.
But we must ask, when has he demonstrated any form of common sense?
yes thats correct. the answer would be never.

Jordan is injured, and when your injured obviously you shouldnt be dancing.  But of course, he told her she should.  "if you can stand, you can dance" has become his new motto. 

Sometimes i just want to punch something.  when i heard that, it was one of those times.

I used to think all the hell was worth it but i dont really know anymore.  I really cant put up with all the drama and the politics anymore.  This year i've realized there is more to life than what a small studio and an extreme teacher can offer me. I have friends. I have school, and i've also experienced the death of a friend this year.  My perspective has changed, and i look around on saturdays and wonder what the hell i am doing.  No, it isnt too late to be like fuck this but i committed and if i back out than the whole shade configuration gets changed and i dont want to do that to the 19 girls who do care.  Or appear to. 

Mr Gallagher is constantly reminding me its my last year. Especially now.. He wasnt doing it nutcracker time but he is now.  Yesterday during alternative training something dumb happened or someone said something.. i forget what and he looked at me and was like, youre almost rid of us. This time next year on your weekends youll be getting stupid.  And on weeknights too. ummm wtf. was that a reference to drinking or something? because actually yes. i will be spending my weekends 'getting stupid.' thanks for the approval.  In a strength class one time i was the only one at my portable barre and i had to try and lift it myself but before i did i saw he was on his way to help me so i didnt try and he was like come on! i want to see those muscles! so we were carrying it over to the wall and he was like this time next year you'll be in college. And i was just like.. yeah. I nodded my head.  Kinda weird that hes always thinking about it, because next year is the farthest thing from my mind right now

BOYS

please someone, just set me up in an arranged marriage and let that be the end of it.
Seriously.

But what would i do without them? or really.. this one in particular? [not the one i just broke up with, a different one]

so that boy drama below i suspect is over.  If i chose to forgive him again

I broke up with my bf last night... only of a month though so it wasnt that serious. he was just really getting on my nerves. clingy.  I hate that.  And he had written a song about me after only two weeks.  thats kinda scary.  Maybe im just not the date-able type.. as someone recently told me.

although i dont think thats true.  Somebody who i really like has yet to ask me out.  this guy was a friend first, so for me it was hard to see it differently.  so whatever

off to dance